


Hellbound

by thorkiship18



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Alternate Universe - Demons, Antichrist, But God is a lesser evil, Dark Comedy, Demon Jensen Ackles, Demon Powers, Demonic Possession, Family Dinners, Family Drama, Funny, Heaven & Hell, I am going to hell, Jealous Jensen Ackles, Jensen just wants to eat, Jesus Christ is a hippie stoner, Let's all burn together, M/M, Mild Language, Older Jensen Ackles, Romantic Comedy, Satan is kinda evil, Wedding Planning, Young Jared Padalecki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 23:46:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16775347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkiship18/pseuds/thorkiship18
Summary: Jared Padalecki has certain issues with his family that he can't exactly tell anyone about.His fiance is a Demon.His uncle is a pothead who he's destined to destroy.His grandfather is the creator of the universe.And his father is Satan himself.Not exactly a happy family.





	Hellbound

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with another big one! This particular fic has literally been in the making for 2 YEARS! I know, I know! But it's finally here! Enjoy!

Jared Padalecki.

19 years old.

Librarian, bartender on weekends.

Somewhat messy eater.

Son of Satan, though he doesn't exactly use that title too much out in the open. Most people would think he's either insane, or some kind of devil worshipper.

But no. It's true. Jared is the spawn of the most evil being known to man, though Father would say that he's merely "misunderstood", which might possibly be a huge crock of shit. Father has done some things in history that not even the Catholic church nor the Vatican are aware of. Events in history that are still well known to this day.

It's shocking, definitely, though this is Jared's life. Or _was._

"Welcome," Jared smiles to a new customer from behind the front counter. "May I help you with anything? Library card? Finding a few books?"

The eldery woman in front of him chuckles. "Yes, I was hoping to get a library card."

"Great! I can get you started right about now," he says as he starts up the computer on the counter. "First and last name, please?"

"First name: Lucy. Last name: Morningstar."

Jared looks up then, staring the woman in her otherworldly blood red eyes. She stares at him, smile twisting into a familiar grin; he sighs. "Go away, Father."

"Jared, please--"

"Where did you find this poor woman?" Jared asks, getting up from his spot. "Leave her body."

"I need to speak with you."

"Yeah, that so? Well, what if I don't want to speak with _you_ , Father?"

Satan follows his spawn through the stacks and rows of books as Jared files them away neatly and by alphabetical order. He knows every word his Father will say. It's been said many, many times over by now.

"You cannot escape me even if you tried, Jared Tristan." Father coos with an innocent smile. "You know that."

Jared scoffs, continuing to do his job. "Leave me alone."

"I did not raise you to be so damn disrespectful to your elders."

"Not towards them, just you."

"Why do you hold such a vendetta against me?"

Satan's spawn turns around from shelving books, looking at the woman his Father is possessing. "Are you absolutely serious right now? Don't try to pretend that you're the purest, most innocent parent alive, because you're not. You're evil incarnate."

"Wow," Satan chuckles, grinning with pride. "Thank you. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Oh, how I love you, my son."

"Ugh! What do you want? What do you want from me?"

"I--"

"No."

"Just--"

"Absolutely not!"

"But, you won't let me--"

"No!" Jared snaps. "Because it's the same thing over and over again! 'Jared, you're wasting your future. Jared, the time is almost nigh. Jared, it's your destiny to rule the new world. Jared, stop slouching.' So tiring!"

Satan frowns, touching his son's shoulders. "Yeah, I do wish you'd stop slouching. Your posture is terrible, my dear."

"Ugh! Just--ugh! Go away before I set this entire building on fire with you in it."

At the mention of chaos and destruction, Satan becomes visibly enraptured. "Oh, would you, please? It's been so long since I've seen you use your gifts. It's a shame that you keep them suppressed. Come on, son, let's cause a little mayhem. Just like we used to do."

No. Those days are long gone. No more mischief. No more wicked deeds. And no more talks of starting the apocalypse! Jared cannot allow his father to hover over him any longer. He may have given him life, but it was Grandfather who had given free will to them _both._

"No," Jared asserts as he puts the books away. "This is _my_ life, not yours. Start Armageddon on your own."

"Jared!" Satan pouts, stopping his feet and whining like a small child. "You know I can't break the final seals. It has to be you!"

"Well, you'll be waiting for a long time then, because I'm never destroying the very same world that's done more for me than you have."

For a moment, Jared regrets those words. It's one thing to voice one's thoughts and feelings to someone who hurt them, but it's a whole other ballpark when you're being vindictive and cruel to another. No matter what, Satan is his father, and Jared cannot change that. He knows it. It will follow him for the rest of his miserable life.

However, as always, the words fall on deaf ears, and Satan retains his bright smile. It's sort of creepy to see it on this woman's face. Why his father can't come up to him face to face is a mystery; growing up, there was always new faces, new puppets controlled by Father, but never him in the flesh. For once he wishes that his father would choose someone and stick to them instead of discarding them when he's bored.

Satan soon reaches out to him, and Jared does not pull away even if it's all he wants to do. He allows his father to hug him; the woman he's possessing is much shorter than him, causing Jared to sigh and hunch down.

"My child," Satan sighs. "You are so stubborn. You get it from your mother. She was such a headstrong woman, very determined. She tried her best to escape me, of course, when she found out my intentions--"

Jared breaks away, rolling his eyes in annoyance. He hates this story. It only reminds him that his father is just pure evil. "Okay, no."

"Protested for days after you were born."

"Enough. This is where you stop, Father."

"Trying to kill you was the last straw for me, though. I had to take _some_ action against her--"

"I said enough!" Jared shouts in the incredibly silent library.

He spooks several people inside, either studying or using the resources for another reason. Jared looks around to see that all eyes are on him and his unholy parent. He calms them all with a charming smile, promoting the patrons to resume whatever activity they were up to.

However, at the smell of something burning, Jared looks down at his hands. He nearly incinerated a slightly worn copy of Rosemary's Baby. Oh, the irony! It's not lost on either of them, though Father is much more interested in the almost-display of power.

"Oh, how marvelous!" Satan gasps, squealing in delight. "Do it again for me, my child. Please?"

Jared hides the singed novel away from prying eyes in between other thick books. "That's definitely going to be a no. Father, can you please leave me alone? I'm trying to enjoy my normal life, doing my normal job in normal peace without any more abnormal events occurring!"

Satan scoffs. "Oh, my poor, naive son. That's impossible, no matter how much you try to emulate the very same people that are beneath you. As long as you live--as long as you continue to breathe--you'll never be normal. But I didn't come cause to chaos."

"Oh, is that certain?"

"Well, not at first, mind you. But no, that wasn't the reason I came. Apparently, your Grandfather is in town, and wants to have dinner with us."

"Grandfather?" Jared says with a disbelieving smile. "He's here? Where?"

Most know him as God, but Jared only knows him as Grandfather. Despite what many believe, Grandfather loves Jared, and Jared loves his Grandfather. They were as thick as thieves growing up; Grandfather was always at odds with Father. So much bad blood between them. Perhaps this dinner can fix that.

Or not. It could end up just like the last time they were all together. People still haven't recovered from that tsunami...

"Around," Satan mumbles, gesturing into the air with his hand. "Somewhere. I don't know, but he wants us to meet him for dinner downtown in the most extravagant restaurant. Tonight at 9. I would decline, but..."

Jared smirks, crossing his arms. "'The Wrath of God', and all that?"

"Yes. That. I suppose I should be off. Bring Nesnej along if you can. He's such a delight to be around."

The Antichrist sighs, turning away from his Father to put more books away. "I don't want _Jensen_ involved in our family affairs. It only makes things harder for us in the end. And did you forget the last time you came to see us? You almost convinced him to become a general in your _'army'_ , and that's not what I want him to do, okay? You know how eager he is to serve The Dark Lord. So just--"

"Young man, are you talking to me?"

Jared frowns, noticing the sudden shift in tone in the old woman's voice. He faces her once more, seeing that her eyes are blue, not red like before. Father has left her body here with him. It doesn't take long for her to start questioning her surroundings, confused and frightened.

"Where am I?" She asks. "And who are you?"

These are the moments that Jared hates the most: Father leaving his helpless victims behind in his presence. They all have no memories of Satan riding their bodies around like a puppet master, pulling strings, making them say and do things they'd otherwise never say or do. Jared's learned how to handle these situations, however. Out of all the things he's inherited from The Beast, Jared's thankful for his charm

He flashes her his best trustworthy, alluring smile. "I'm sorry, ma'am. You just wandered in here looking to find a book for your..." Jared takes a moment, looking into her memories for something to latch onto. "Granddaughter. You said she was a fan of spooky stories."

The old woman blinks several times, then smiles herself. "Oh! Oh, dear. I must have forgotten. Yes, tomorrow is her birthday, you see, and I wanted to get her a book full of those scary tales she likes so much."

Success.

"Well, look no further! We also sell books here. I'm sure I can help you pick out a good one for her."

"Oh, bless you, young man." The woman says. "Bless you."

Jared just chuckles, hiding the mild groan directly under his breath.

Blessed he is not.

****

"What do you have in your pockets, you weakling!?"

"Hey--hey, let me go! Help!"

"No one will help you, thief."

It is unorthodox, that much Jensen can admit to himself.

Most times, he finds himself waking up believing this is all just an elaborate dream. But no. This is his life now. And while it may not immediately be the one he has been hoping for since his creation, it is whole, and good, and better than he imagined.

He is Jensen Ackles, formally known simply as Nesnej. He is 3,500 years old, a security guard at a shopping mall, and demonic lover and soon to be consort to the official Prince of Hell, Jared Padalecki himself.

He is head over heels in love with the Lightbringer, and he'll do anything and everything to prove it.

But right now, he'll have to settle for doing his job, and subdue this petty thief attempting to make off with a few stolen treasures.

"Let go of me, man!" The thief cries, pinned down to the ground with his arm behind his back. "You're hurting me!"

Jensen snarls. "How sad. Perhaps you should've thought about that before stealing."

"I didn't steal anything!"

"Back in my day, thieves had their hands cut from them for their crimes. Unfortunately, it seems that your people have more civility than mine."

In time, three more security guards rush up towards Jensen. His co-workers. There are many people watching from the sidelines, all human, recording on their cell phones and murmuring amongst themselves. It's been a difficult process acclimating to life on Earth. These customs, the inventions...it's all so overwhelming.

"Jensen," one of the other guards says. "Is everything okay?"

"I caught a thief trying to escape the building."

"I didn't take anything," the man laughs. "This has been a huge misunderstanding. Just let me go, and I'll explain everything."

Jensen soon digs into the man's pockets, fishing out jewelry, electronics, and other goods that he somehow smuggled out of the store. Defeated, the thief rests his head on the cold floor with a resigned sigh, allowing the other security guards to cuff him and haul him away towards the holding area.

"Nice work, Ackles," Christian Kane says, patting him on the back as the throng of people begin to disperse. "That's your third capture in a row. You're pretty good at this."

Jensen snorts. "I suppose. Men like him are easy to detect."

"What was your last job, you said?"

"Um...bodyguard."

Chris laughs, but it soon dies down as his gaze goes forward, completely taken by someone else. "Hey, don't look now, but here comes Pretty Padalecki."

Jensen whips his head to the side upon hearing his beloved's name, spotting Jared walking evenly towards him from the main entrance. He looks as gorgeous as ever with his floppy brown locks and his bright smile and beautiful eyes that change color depending on his mood. Gray for neutral, Blue for happy, Green for excited, Yellow for...mmm...aroused, and Red for angry, of course.

From this distance, Jensen can tell that they're a mix between blue and green. Good news awaits.

Eventually, Jared makes his way towards his betrothed, kissing him passionately in from of Chris who only looks away in mild embarrassment.

"Hi, Jared," the security guard mutters. It's no secret to how Chris truly feels about the young man.

Jared smiles. "Hi, Chris."

"You look really nice today."

"Thank you."

Jensen growls softly, grabbing Jared's hand. "That'll be all, Kane. I'm going on my lunch break now."

Chris throws up his hands in anguish, walking towards the holding area. "Fine! You win. I'm outta here. Don't take too long."

Once Chris is gone, Jensen hums, embracing his love. "How are you?"

"I'm good!" Jared replies enthusiastically. "I'm excellent, in fact."

"Truly? That's wonderful! Tell me all about it. I wish to know why my beloved is so cheery today."

And so, Jared told Jensen everything over lunch, sitting together at the food court. The former Demon Knight of Morningstar sips his drink from the straw, admiring the way Jared gets so animated when telling a story. He moves his arms, eyes glistening, lips moving miles a minute.

He's stunning.

"So, it's tonight. At 9. I can't wait! It's been so long since I've seen Grandfather. I miss him."

Jensen laughs anxiously, fidgeting in his seat. "I don't wish to upset you, but being around your Grandfather makes me feel very...uncomfortable. He looks at me like he's ready to smite me down."

"He wouldn't do that to me," Jared says reassuringly, putting his hand over Jensen's. "He knows how much you mean to me."

"I hope so. I still don't understand why I must go."

"Because I want you to. It'll be fun."

"Fun? I don't recall there being fun the last time we were all together. Specifically, I remember you throwing yourself between your Father and Grandfather and nearly drowning in the storm."

The heir to the Throne of Hell chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. "I, uh, that was a difficult time for all of us. I'm sure we've all grown since then. Everything will be perfect this time. I guarantee it."

Jensen is more reluctant. Every time Jared, his Father, and his Grandfather come together, there is always grumbled insults, snarky comments, and raised voices before something inevitably breaks, be it a chair or an entire island.

Still, that damned look that Jared is waving in his face does Jensen no favors. He has perfected the art of what the humans call "the puppy dog eyes". Jensen can see him using this technique an awful lot in his youth. Perhaps that's why his Grandfather is a sucker for him.

Regardless of the apprehension, Jensen gives up control with a deep sigh and a smile. "Alright then. Fine. I will go to this dinner, but only because you want me to."

Jared grins, leaning over to kiss his Demon boyfriend before standing. "Thanks, babe. I love you."

"And I love you, too. Stay safe."

The Antichrist laughs, walking backwards towards the exit. "I think others should stay safe from me. See you at home."

Soon enough, Jared is gone and out the door, but not before he bumps into a few ladies doing their afternoon shopping. Jensen snickers from his position, yet he watches as his lover profusely apologizes to the women prior to leaving altogether. This is the spawn of Satan? The one who will lead them all into a glorious New World Order?

Jensen huffs, clearing up their trash. "God help us all..."

****

"Do I look okay?"

"You look fine."

"No, I mean do I _look_ okay? My outfit isn't too out there, right?"

"Jared..."

"I know he doesn't care much about appearances--"

"Jared."

"But I wanna look my best--"

"Hey." Jensen says abruptly, hands on the Antichrist's cheeks. "I love you, you look fantastic."

Jared blushes, unable to contain it. "Thank you. Shall we go inside?"

With a nod, Jared leads them inside of the fancy restaurant that his Father told him to meet up at. It's pretty luxurious, nothing Jared nor Jensen can afford on their current salary. But they don't need it. Jared's particularly happy with them living in their modest one bedroom apartment.

This place reminds him of the shops and boutiques Grandfather took him to in order to spoil him. In hindsight, it seems that he only did so to spite Father, to get him riled up and paranoid about Jared's allegiance towards him. Choosing sides.

There are no sides to choose.

Jared's on his own side for now.

"Do you have a reservation, sirs?" The main clerk asks from his podium.

Jared blinks. He's not sure what to say. "I...suppose? We're being expected."

"Names?"

"Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles."

"One moment please." The clerk clears his throat, checking the list for the names as Jensen becomes distracted by a fish tank showcasing some exotic creatures of the deep. "Ah, yes. There you are. Right this way, sirs."

The attentive and patient clerk leads them further into the restaurant where Jared notices many elite businessmen and wonan. They all seem to be enjoying their dinners, eating, talking about how "difficult" their lives are going because someone else was promoted over themselves. It's all so stupid. Jared hopes he doesn't grow up to be like that.

He's already halfway there in age, however.

After several more seconds of walking through the restaurant, Jared and Jensen are led to their table. There, he spots an older man with his long gray hair hanging freely dressed all in white. The man stands up, grinning as his white, bright teeth nearly blinds Jared where he stands.

"Jared!" The man says, arms spread wide. "My grandchild! Come here, boy."

Jared mirrors his grins, rushing over to hug the man. It's the same body he's been used to seeing. God's own personal avatar, designed in the way he saw fit. The avatar Jared has known all his life.

"Grandfather! Oh, it's so good to see you again! I missed you!"

"I missed you, too! Ah, now let's have a look at you." Grandfather breaks the hug to thoroughly look Jared over. "So tall. What's your secret? What are you feeding yourself?"

"Souls," Jared jokes, earning him a slight tap on the shoulder. "I'm kidding. Grandfather, you remember Jensen, right? My fiance."

Jensen sticks out his hand to shake, nervous. "How do you do, sir?"

Grandfather raises his eyebrow skeptically without shaking Jensen's hand. Jared knows what he's thinking before he can even say it. "Ah, yes. The _Demon._ I'm well, though I would be splendid if my grandson chose better company."

"Grandfather!" Jared admonishes. "That was uncalled for. Stop it. Please, let's just enjoy the dinner, okay?"

Grandfather doesn't argue against Jared, and Jensen only shrugs as they all take their seats. The two lovers sit beside each other while Grandfather remains in the seat he chose before their arrival. However, something catches Jared's eye. There are two more seats available on either side of Grandfather. It's not an issue at first as he knows that his Father will be joining them shortly, but who else could be joining them?

Odd.

Their waiter soon waltzes towards their table. Jared orders a water while Jensen orders their most expensive glass of champagne. Of course he would. It's just to spite Grandfather. He can create and destroy planets, but he's not made of money.

"So, Jared, tell me something exciting. What have you been up to?"

Jared takes a quick sip of his glass of water before answering. "Well, Jensen and I recently just got back from a little trip to Seattle. It was phenomenal. I finally got to see the Space Needle. Took some pictures, went shopping..."

"Rolled around in the sheets." Jensen says lowly, smirking into his own glass.

Jared's cheeks heat up. "Jensen!"

"And what do you do for work, Jensen?" Grandfather asks in a demeaning tone of voice.

"I am a security guard at a shopping mall."

Grandfather chuckles, holding up his glass. "Oh, what an amazing career. Such depth and character. Simple. Quaint. Inadequate. It's perfect for you."

"Well, I think it might be better than creating an entire species then ignoring their prayers for millennia, wouldn't you agree?"

"Did you also know that I've destroyed stronger races that predate your own? You might consider showing me an ounce of respect, mongrel."

"Guys, please!" Jared hisses in a hushed voice. "I really, _really_ don't want us to do this right now. Can we please just have a nice family dinner for once?"

Grandfather smiles. "Of course, Jared." He looks to Jensen with a serious expression. "My apologies, Jensen. I've had a stressful 10 years."

"I see. I accept." Quickly, Jared nudges Jensen on the shoulder, forcing him to continue on with a sigh. "And I apologize as well, sir."

"Why is it that all I sense is joy, and not despair?"

A voice speaks to them suddenly, and they all turn to see a man dressed in a very expensive suit walking towards their table. Through those $300 sunglasses he's wearing, Jared can see a hint of crimson. It's none other than Father possessing yet another innocent mortal. By the looks of it, however, it seems that this mortal is far from innocent. Just one tiny look into the vessel's mind and Jared can see that he's a shark.

"That is because my beautiful grandson is here," Grandfather says.

Satan smiles, pinching Jared's cheek before reluctantly choosing one of the only two seats remaining. "Well, you aren't wrong. He brings me so much joy. Most days. Nesnej! Good to see you!"

"Hi--"

"His name is _Jensen,_ Father," Jared interjects. "Stop it."

"I was only calling him by the name he was given, that's all." Satan teases.

"Who is this man you're controlling today, Father? I assume he's being held captive in his mind?"

"This man?" Satan gestures towards the body, grinning. "His name is Adam. Adam Fergus. A popular Brit around these parts. Has his own business, you see. Industrial stuff. Weapons crafting. He's perfect. And as for him being held captive? He was murdered today by his enemies who were then promptly destroyed by me. His soul's rotting in Hell while I get to reap the benefits from here."

"How very morbid..." Grandfather deadpans. "You couldn't have chosen someone taller with a better moral compass?"

"And a hello to you as well, Father. You have some nerve talking to me about a moral compass when you tossed me into the very pits of Hell!"

"Lucifer," Grandfather sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. This is a conversation they've had many times before. "You murdered your brothers and tried to take over my Throne."

Satan shrugs. "No one's perfect."

"I am."

"You are not!" Satan laughs. "You're not what you claim you are, Father. Perfect? Far from it--Jared, back me up on this, will you, son?"

Jared shakes his head. "I'm not in this."

Grandfather huffs. "Very low trying to pit my precious grandson against me when I mean the absolute world to him. You're on my side, right, Jared?"

"What part of 'I'm not in this' did either of you not understand?" Jared snaps. "This is ridiculous! You two can't keep doing this everytime there's a gathering. I'm sick of it."

"I love these sticks of bread." Jensen speaks out of nowhere, chowing down on the basket of breadsticks. "Very fulfilling."

Not long after their spat, the waiter comes by again. "Are we all ready to order?"

"No, not yet," says Grandfather. "We're waiting for one more. Thank you."

Once the waiter leaves them alone again, Satan frowns. "Who else is coming?"

Grandfather doesn't answer. He only takes a large gulp of the wine in his glass.

"Father...?" Satan tries again.

Grandfather remains quiet.

"You didn't. Please tell me that you didn't invite _him._ "

Though no name was ever said aloud, Jared knows exactly who "him" is. He hasn't seen him in a long time either, not since he was 15.

He's always a joy to be around. So peaceful, so insightful, so _fun._

"Hello, beautiful people!" Another voice says, causing them all to turn their heads.

Jared's eyes light up when he sees who the voice belongs to. "Uncle David!"

Uncle David.

The Messiah.

The Chosen One.

The Antichrist's mortal enemy. Not.

Uncle David is Jesus Christ reincarnated. As he is Grandfather's son, that makes Jared his nephew, and Satan his brother. It's a wild and fucked up family tree, and Jared just finds it all so damn amusing. He finds it hilarious how, before his conception, he was only going to be used to combat his Uncle over the fate of the world.

It's funny how things change and you basically become best friends with your sworn enemy.

Uncle David saunters over to the table with a pep in his step. His long, light brown hair is tied up in a neat man bun, and his facial hair more trimmed than the last time he saw him. It was almost like a forest! The clothes he's wearing are more in line with how the youth of today wear theirs. Skinny jeans, tight t-shirts with vests, multiple ear piercings, glasses, the whole thing. Though Uncle David is over 30, he can pull it off better than anyone else.

"Nephew!" Uncle David exclaims, hugging Jared in his seat. "Oh, how I missed you!"

"I missed you, too, Uncle David. You look great."

"Really? Well, I try!" He glances at the table, clasping his hands together while bowing. " _Namaste,_ everyone. I just came back from a 2 year journey around the world. Very life changing. And you must be Jensen."

Jensen nods, setting down his breadsticks to shake hands. "Yes, how do you do?"

"No handshakes! I'm a hugger!" Uncle David bends down, wrapping his arms around Jared's fiance. "So nice to finally meet you, Jensen! I've heard nothing but lovely things from Jared."

"Oh. Fantastic."

Uncle David lets go of Jensen, walking over to Satan, hugging him as well. "I know that surly look anywhere. Hello, Big Brother! Long time no see."

"And for good reason." Satan grumbles.

"Silly bro! Hey, Dad." Uncle David embraces Grandfather before sitting down next to him, examining his avatar. "You're looking 2,000 years younger. Been listening to me about that diet plan?"

Grandfather laughs, touching his stomach in pride. "I don't wish to brag, but..."

Jared and Uncle David join his bout of laughed as Jensen stuffs his face with breadsticks again. Satan, meanwhile, sulks in his seat, materializing a glass of whiskey from thin air. In time, the waiter returns, and they all proceed to place their orders.

"A Cesar salad, Brother?" Satan questions with a devious smirk after they receive their meals. "I guess that's what all those hipster children eat nowadays."

Uncle David chuckles, taking a few bites. "I happen to like the taste as well."

"Yes, I can see that you're clearly a fan of _green plants._ "

"Lucifer." Grandfather warns as he cuts into his steak.

"What? It's true, is it not? We all know how your favorite child loves to partake in the usage of that one particular drug. Do you know what the more religious humans call it? The Devil's Lettuce. I don't quite approve of the name, though."

"It helps me clear my mind," Uncle David explains with a grin. "I can work freely under its influence. My drawings have flourished."

"Oh, I bet."

"You seem tense, Brother. You should come to my class. I'm also a yoga instructor. I can help you relieve any stress that you have built up."

"I'm not going to any of your classes, you hippie stoner." Satan sighs dramatically. He looks at Grandfather, exasperated. "Seriously, why is he even here?"

"I invited him here, because I thought it was high time that we all sat down and had a normal family discussion over dinner." Grandfather states, voice rising. At the same time, Jared hears thunder sounding outside. Not a good sign.

Satan scoffs, slamming his napkin on the table. "Oh, is that so? Well, unfortunately, neither individual sitting here is normal, nor will we ever be. The sooner you realize that, the sooner we can all end this happy family charade and get on with the apocalypse. I'm leaving."

Jared watches in embarrassment as his Father rises out of his seat to his feet, straining his vessel. "Father, where are you going? Please sit down."

"No, Jared. It's obvious that this was a mistake."

His veins pop out on his neck and forehead. It almost looks like he struggling to go to the bathroom. This would usually be the part where Father would exit the body of the possessed, but nothing happens.

Grandfather, though, smirks. "Having some trouble there, Son?"

"What have you done to me, old man?" Satan growls, still straining.

"I've bound you to this vessel. There will be no more easy escapes from family. We are all here, together, because I willed it. You _will_ sit back down, and we _will_ have a family dinner that doesn't end with one or more lives at risk for once."

Jared puts his head in his hands. He's watched this scene play out numerous times already! And it always ends the same way. Yet miraculously, this time seems to be different. Father stops trying to escape, gasping after failing once again. He stares down Grandfather and they exchange a heated look that could destroy time and space before Father ultimately takes his seat next to Grandfather.

"I'm so tired of this," Jared mutters abruptly, causing everyone to look at him. "Is this what's going to happen _every time_ we see each other? Do any of you know how stressful it is to be in this fucking family?"

"Jared," Grandfather gasps. "Language."

"No, _fuck_ that!" Jared seethes. In the corner of his eye, he can see his Father grinning in glee at his anger. "I hate it! I hate who I am, and I hate being reminded how much of a shit show this all is. I was created to oppose you, and you, too, Uncle David! I was made to fight you! I tried to push it down, but I can't anymore! How can either of you act as if I'm not what I am!? How can you all just sit there and pretend that I'm not the most dangerous son of a bitch on this planet!?"

"Because..." Uncle David starts after a long silence, smiling sadly. "You are half-human, and humans have beautiful souls. There's darkness in all of us, but where there's darkness, there is light...and you have more light inside of you than you realize, Jared."

Jared appreciates his Uncle's sentiment, but how true is that statement? As they all are aware of by now, his own mother tried to kill him when he was only a baby. She was human. His Father is the Devil.

There can't be any light inside of him. There just can't be. But if that's right, then why not bring about the apocalypse right now? Why doesn't he break the final seals?

It's simple. It's because it's not what he wants. Hmm. Maybe there's a slice of light in him after all.

Maybe.

Soon, Jared calms down. "Sorry, everyone. I'm just...I just want peace."

Uncle David's smile widens, pointing at Jared's glass. "I can give you peace, Nephew."

The glass of water twirls around in a small whirlpool before changing into a dark red color. Jared laughs as he picks it up, taking a sip. It's wine. "I'm not old enough."

"Well, I say you are." Satan chuckles, half-smiling. He looks to Grandfather and Uncle David both. "For this one night only, how about we all try to be a normal family? I'll go back to plotting and scheming on earth's demise in the morning."

Uncle David shakes his head. "Does this mean you'll do yoga with me after dinner? It's really fun."

"No."

"Ah. It was worth a shot, I guess."

As the rest of the table begin having civil conversations about memories past and new future endeavors, Jared takes Jensen's hand in his under the table, smiling fondly at him. Jensen squeezes his hand in a very reassuring manner.

It causes the young hellspawn to think about his upcoming wedding. And as if on cue, the conversation shifts to that very subject.

"So, Jared," Satan says. "The wedding. I'm thinking we'll have it in The Church of Darkness back home. I'll officiate it, of course. Lilith could have the decorations done in no time--!"

"I think not," Grandfather interrupts. "My grandson deserves nothing but the best. The wedding will be held in my palace in The Golden City. I will be officiating the wedding."

"Nesnej is a Demon Knight of Morningstar, so it would only be fitting for him as well to have the wedding in Hell."

"Jared is my grandson. He is a part of _me,_ so it's only fitting that the wedding take place in Heaven."

"You are not hijacking this for me, old man! He is _my_ son! Stop trying to turn him against me."

"If you were a better father, perhaps he wouldn't oppose you so much."

"I wonder where I got it from!"

"May I make a suggestion?" Uncle David asks. "How about a beach wedding? Or something more bohemian?"

"How about no, Woodstock?" Satan hums. "Anyway, Hell has evolved much more since your last visit, Father. It's perfect."

"The Golden City is perfect in every way." Grandfather counters with a haughty grin.

"Not."

"It is."

"Then why did I rebel?"

"Because you were an entitled little brat."

"True."

Grandfather and Satan go back and forth on the subject as Uncle David feebly attempts to get a single word in. With a groan, Jared rests his head on the table.

He wonders if other humans have family problems like these.

**Author's Note:**

> Afterword: If this does good, and in sure it might, I'm thinking I might continue It! There's a lot of story to tell here, so be on the lookout! Tell me who your favorite character was below!


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